“The grass is always greener on the other side of life,
A thought that lingers in our memory and how it charts our path,
You think it could be good or evil or even make you laugh,
But in all its simple message, it just brings us all that strife!”
We often are led, by our desires and wishes, to lead a better and more fulfilled life. So with that thought in mind, it’s not surprising, when we can often see, the exact same people that embody our hopes and dreams, to be a little or a lot envious of them!
Envy can lure you in, like a speeding train hurtling to its unseen destination, and eat at your soul and destroy any chance of happiness or peace of mind! But what makes a person envious?
What is Envy all about?
One such definition is that — Envy is sorrow and discontent for someone else’s happiness.
So how can you tell if someone is envious of you? By what way van you recognise who is an envious person? What are the behaviour patterns of an envious person?
Here are 7 infallible signs of an envious person:-
1. They are glad at your sorrow.
2. They never forgive you for your talents, qualities, personality or value.
3. They praise a person’s blessings, only after a person has potentially lost them.
4. They always strive to decrease your joy, happiness & wellbeing with their unduly critical attitude.
5. They regard nothing and no-one else as praiseworthy.
6. They permanently undervalue all good they see and hear.
7. They are hypocritical; they use words of esteem and caring, only to hide their true, malicious feelings, so that they can trap and deceive you easier.
Envy and Jealousy are not the same!
So What is the difference between Envy and Jealousy?
Envy occurs when we lack a desired attribute enjoyed by another.
Jealousy occurs when something we already possess (usually a special relationship) is threatened by a third person.
And so envy is a two-person situation whereas jealousy is a three-person situation. Envy is a reaction to lacking something. Jealousy is a reaction to the threat of losing something (usually someone).
It is possible to experience both jealousy and envy at the same time. For example you could be jealous of the attention your boyfriend is getting from a female who you envy for her physical qualities.
The philosopher John Rawls distinguishes between jealousy and envy on the grounds that jealousy involves the wish to keep what one has and envy the wish to get what one does not have.
People that are envious can experience painful overwhelming emotions due to somebody else owning or possessing something that they do not have. For example more money, a new kitchen or car. Envy is a symptom of desire which is rooted in a depth or well of internal emptiness and low self-esteem.
How to Banish those envious ways!
1. Make a ‘trigger’ list.
Grab a pen and paper to make a list of the things, people and circumstances that trigger your envy. It’s important that you recognize these switches so that you can understand where it all starts and what to do when it’s starting to make its move.
Do you feel envious of your friends who found the love of their life without even trying? Don’t you get excited when your Facebook friends post photos of their travels abroad?
2. Look back to where it started.
When you think that you were never this bitter and envious person before, try to look back and figure out where it all started. What happened in the past that made you let this negativity linger?
Sometimes, past frustrations or anxieties about the future can make yourself vulnerable to becoming bitter and envious of the things that you cannot have, and even of the realities that you cannot control.
3. Talk to a friend.
Talk to someone you trust, a good friend who can understand you, who can bluntly give you the most realistic advice that you need.
It’s very difficult and often scary to be true to yourself and accept that you have this imperfection. However, letting a friend make you see the realities of it all and the things that you can do to overcome them is one of the best ‘cure’ that you’ll ever have.
4. Surround yourself with the optimists.
Be with the right people, the optimists, the positive thinkers. When you are haunted by these negativities, it’s good to be with people whose presence cannot only neutralize them, but can also make them all go away.
Learn from their perspectives in life and try to apply them to your own. You may not share the same definition of happiness with others but at least you can have the idea where to start.
5. Be grateful.
Appreciate what you have and celebrate your victories no matter how small they are. Here are the secrets to a happy life: appreciation, simplicity and contentment. You don’t have to have everything to be able to smile every day. Just look around you and realize that there are a lot to be thankful for.
6. Stop comparing yourself with others. (Very important)
Just stop doing that. You are following a different path. Everyone is. It’s impossible for two people to have the same achievements, to live the same lives and to have the same definition of what happiness is. Therefore, comparing yourself with others is not just a waste of time but a trigger that you should avoid at all cost.
It’s okay if your co-worker is finally purchasing his dream house while you spend hundreds on your monthly rent. Be happy about your best friend finding that rare opportunity to work for her dream company while you’re stuck in your boring office, doing the same things every day.
Focus on working on your own goals instead of looking at other people and drowning in self-pity just because you have no idea where to start or where to find the luck to achieve all those.
7. Avoid toxic people.
Avoid the negative people in your life, the toxic ones. You have to realize that the only way to work on the negativity that you are currently feeling right now is to try to find other things that will remind you to be more grateful, not hateful.
Toxic people have the ability to make others feel small, to make others think that no matter how hard they try, they will never get what they truly deserve — and that’s not what you need right now.
8. Value the intangible aspects of life.
Let go of your attachments on material things and learn to appreciate the intangible side of life: friendship, love, union, success.
Oftentimes, people feel envious of others who can have everything that the material world can offer — and this leaves them frustrated and often become hateful and bitter towards life, living and everything that goes with it.
9. Express it in more possible ways.
This is the most difficult yet the more productive way of overcoming envy. It’s okay to recognize that you feel envious of others, of what they have and their achievements in life. Your next step, however, is to know what you can do to use and exploit this emotion. How?
By using envy as a motivation. Do you really, really want to book that once in a lifetime trip abroad just like what your Facebook friend did? Save up and work harder. Do you also want to find the love of your life and be happy just like your friend? Be the best version of yourself and the person that you truly deserve will find you.
10. Find your inner peace.
How about trying alternative methods to counter this negative emotion? Overcoming a serious case of envy may require alternative solutions, and some even consult professional help. However, all of these have one single goal: to help you find the peace within you.
Much like a speeding train travelling at warp speed into an unknown future, it always works out best when you are the driver of your own destiny! The ability to steer into your future comes from within remembering that envy and bitterness should play no part in that journey!